Friendship is a loaded gun

There are many ways to lose a friend. And apart from the obvious and most definitive one, is when she turns her back on you.

I’ve been through a lot recently, positive but mostly negative occurrences. Given that negative experiences always happen for the sake of good, I would have to rejoice for the days to come. But this one I’m talking about here came stabbing in the back; fast, hard and bitterly unexpected. And its blade was long and sharp.

We spent the most beautiful time in the last twelve months of my life. That is, I spent. I met her last July and since that day, for four months, I had started to see the beauty of the world I was living in. It is supposed to sound corny, because enchantment is corny, especially when two people are involved. She was the friend I was missing from a very long time and when we met, it was as if we already knew from somewhere.

“Let’s have a pizza.” she said.

“Where do you wanna go?” I replied.

“Well, when it comes to pizza, I think about Tony.”

That was in the neighborhood where my aunt used to live, merely thirty years ago. I had passed my youth there and the fragrance of Tony’s pizza still was lingering in my nose. I hadn’t been there since that time.

“Shall we go?” she asked.

I shook myself from memories and nodded.

“Yes.” I said. “Yes, please.”

And off we were.

When I entered Tony’s, that fragrance was still there. A few things had changed and to think that when I had my first pizza there, my dear friend wasn’t even born-made me feel really old. But back then I was just a six-year-old, so it was not a big deal.

“You know.” I said to her “For every generation, there’s always been Tony’s pizza. My grandfather had it, my parents and yours had it too and I had it. And now it’s your turn.”

My clever friend smiled and she was so sweet.

So we asked for two slices and sat. I had sworn to never go back in that neighborhood, because my aunt and uncle had died of cancer and their apartment had been sold since. They had three kids, the youngest passed away from a heart attack when they still lived there, the girl died several years after her mother and the eldest was the only survivor. I had beautiful memories of my time with them and almost the entire family was wiped away. It looks grotesque if you think about it. One out of five survived and the most bad tempered. But that’s not the point.

The point is I never got close to that district because my heart ached just thinking about it. But I felt different now. I was not alone. And the person sitting in front on me and eating Tony’s pizza looked at me in the eyes.

“What?” she softly said.

Her voice was some kind of placebo to me. It relieved my soul and my body alike.

“You know, I would really like to show you something.”

And when we were done with the pizza, I told her about my aunt and her family.

“I’m so sorry.” she murmured.

I smiled and looked at her.

“I need you to come with me to their place. Just in the courtyard facing their apartment, I have to realize they are not there anymore and I can’t do it alone.”

After a moment, she nodded.

“Sure. I’ll go with you.”

And I stepped there for the first time in more than fifteen years. It was just like I had left the day before. But now there was her. She was at my side. Lucy was with me.

I showed her the old structure of that building, it hadn’t been touched in more than fifty years and there it was. The witness of my youth. And Lucy was my mirror right there at my side. Young and beautiful.

I don’t see her anymore. I don’t know why; she just went away, as if our time had expired. I tried to call her, I wrote many words to her, words that sounded more and more like pleading.

She left me alone in the most weak moment of my life, when I was going through a very hard time and badly needed a friend. I needed her. Maybe I needed her more than I thought. And maybe she noticed.

Sometimes, friendship is like loaded gun. We cannot allow to push it too far. Neither of us.


8 thoughts on “Friendship is a loaded gun

Add yours

  1. *…as if our time had expired.”

    I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s tough to go through something like this. It’s made me more appreciative of those who choose to remain in my life. Your writing is very deep and sharing your experiences encourages me to do the same.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Susan, thank you for your thoughts and words. Things happen for a reason and I have to come to terms with this; even if it’s hard to accept it now, I now that’s going to make sense in the future.


    1. Kanika, my dear, you can live without Tony’s Pizza, but not without the warmth and the peace of a dear friend. In the end, we get through it, and time will tell.


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